I have always thought that my lola would just be there forever.
I have always wanted to let her see her apo sa tuhod but my two angels went ahead of her, straight to the heavens.
And that is where they will probably meet. Or have met, last Saturday when she herself became a winged angel, too. Now, there is nothing I can do so I comfort myself with the fact that my angels in heaven will be in good hands with my lola up there – as I have been when she took care of me.
In retrospect, I think we always do that – take things for granted. Take our loved ones for granted. I have — at some point, and it’s always harder when you are islands away from the people you love.
But I remember, lola. I remember all you’ve done for me. Thank you for everything.
I remember…
Her eyes were always sharp, knowing who I was even from afar when I come visit her each time I go home to Negros. She would always read the Bible without the need for any reading glasses and her smile has always warmed up my heart, curing the loneliness I feel of being away from my family for more than a decade already – of being away from home. She would always love when I bring her donuts – a wide grin would be plastered all over her pretty face.
She has always been there when I was growing up, helping my Mama and Papa when they left for work. When I cried looking for my parents, she would take me in her arms where I would restfully sleep. She would run after me with a twig when I’d start climbing trees, scolding me for being so unladylike.
Truth is, I always considered myself my lola’s favorite although a lot of my cousins (or my sisters) may also say the same. But I don’t care. In my own world, I was my lola’s pet.
She was beautiful. But more than that, she was an epitome of hardwork; of compassion and sternness, love and discipline.
To wish that I could still see her and hug her and stroke her hair and talk to her for one last time will be too much, I know that. But I assuage my sorrowful heart with her visit in my dream, telling me that she is at peace and once again, physically and spiritually running wild and free.
And so I rest again in your comforting words, lola. I will never forget you. I am sorry that I was and am not there. I will love you, forever. Rest in joyful peace.
Love,
Your self-proclaimed favorite apo
