“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering.” – Paulo Coelho
All our lives, we are always bound to wait. Wait for our planes to arrive. Wait for a promotion long due. Wait for the right one. Wait for the wrong one to realize he is the wrong one because you do not have the courage to break his heart.
Or there are times that we choose to forget.
To forget that we have that one dream that we long for. Forget that we wanted to travel the world when we were younger. Forget that there is more to life than the one that we have.
And the worst part, yes, it is the worst part – when you do not know what you have to do.
Over the past few days, I have been floating in a limbo. Again. It is so hard to wait especially for someone whose patience is not her strongest suit. It is hard to battle the “baby lust”. So every month that I am not yet pregnant, it pushes me back into my black hole.
I am very blessed to have friends who keep on reminding me that everything is going to be okay. I am very blessed that I have a husband who supports me in all aspects of our relationship and does not mind that he has to take care of everything, for now.
There are just moments that I break down because I do not know what to do anymore. Do I stay at home, continue being a housewife, and wait that one day, it will come? Or do I get back to my old corporate life and just let things run on its course?
Yes, it is probably my pride [or ego] talking. I have never felt so helpless, clueless and fully dependent on someone all my life. I plan my life well and at this moment, there is nothing to plan. There is nothing that I can do but to wait because there is no option for forgetting this dream that I want.
And so, this continues. Good luck to me, then.
