Happy Birthday, Angel.

Juan Sebastian


Dear Basti, 

Hi love! 

I wish I were there, taking a photo of you blowing that blue cake for your second birthday. The truth is, I hate blue (I always have) but you like it so much that I do not have any resolve to go against what you want. I think it is every mother’s dream to be there in every birthday of her child. But then, things have not been exactly perfect for both of us. God needed you more than I did and I know deep in my heart that today, for your birthday, you are having an even grander celebration with the rest of the cherubs in heaven who have orchestrated the most amazing birthday song EVER, with Jesus probably giving you the most delicious cake in the whoooole universe!

Sometimes, I wish I could forget this day so that I could also forget the pain of losing you. But how could I? We were together for ten weeks, your tiny little heart thumping inside of me. The same blood flowing inside our veins. How can I forget? I would never. I could never.

In some universe, I know that I would be able to hold your tiny little hands for the first time.  To see if you looked like me or daddy, not that it would be a big difference anyway. I would hug you so tight and would never let go.

In the meantime, celebrate with me tonight. In my dreams. Where I can cradle you close in my arms, closer to my heart… forever. And ever.


Mum x