“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and and time to laugh
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.”
– Ecclesiastes 3:1-6
Time. If you have read Mitch Albom’s The Timekeeper, you would know Dor. Dor or Father Time. Because of his curiosity, time was created. Because time can now be measured into seconds, hours, months, years, our anticipation can grow, sorrows can linger, happiness can just breeze by.
Time can be unbearable, especially for those who wait. More so for impatient people. And this is a perfect description of me — an impatient woman in waiting.
In moments that I yearn, I try to divert my attention. I have accepted the fact that everything in my life happens for a reason and everything will happen in His time. Human as I am though, there are still moments that I crave for a happiness that a little infant would bring to our home.
Being inconclusively and recently diagnosed with APAS or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (more about this later on) was depressing enough. Three months ago, I rejoiced already, thinking that the tests were negative (or so my other doctors said).
Recently though, I have visited a perinatologist specializing in APAS and when she read the results, she confirmed that I was positive for it and she has to conduct more tests. Verifying it with more tests is scary at this point in time, especially when my research does not return so much information on the topic. Roughly explained, my blood has the tendency to coagulate (or to excessively clot). This usually results to migraine headaches, bruising, premature miscarriages and just recently, progressive memory problems. Check, check and check on those symptoms.
Ugh.
I am not an internet doctor. However, I am a marketing person. Being such, I research on facts about problems at hand. I stay positive that amidst all the tests, we will be able to go beyond this.
I thank my husband and our families for being supportive. Waiting for the test results is agonizing but I want to prepare this time. Together with your prayers, maybe soon, God will finally send a stork to our humble little home. I keep my hopes up and my faith. So, bless me God.
I am writing this post not because I want sympathy. I do not know how many out there are experiencing the same sorrows. It would be good to have a support group and someone to relate to.
Let’s all hang on and continue our prayers. Love you all.
