I stare blankly at the ceiling, feeling the painful (but bearable) twitches of the four holes in my abdomen.
The past few days had been unnerving, leading to the day of my hysterectomy. I grieved early, going through silent panic attacks of losing a part of my body — that most important part that housed my Basti&Basti, and Santi, and Lucia.I have been suffering from abnormal uterine bleeding because of a myoma and we were left with not much of a choice. It took me several months to decide, hoping the bleeding would go away somehow, but oh well, it didn’t, and we had to finally do something about it.
I sent my uterus all the love, light, and utmost gratitude for everything that it has done for my family.
On August 8, 2019, my body said goodbye to my uterus and my tubes.
I am not sure if women who go through hysterectomy experience this profound loss. Maybe I am overreacting, as usual, but I just felt a deep feeling of lack. Not that I still want to have more children (I can’t anymore, anyway) but without that sacred organ, it just makes you feel incomplete, somehow.
However, I am utterly grateful that I have met Irina during my Yoga Teacher Training (another story that deserves sooo much love). Irina is one of the most sought-after doulas in the country and she owns Sacred Elements DNA Jewellery. I sent her part of my uterus (which I begged from my doctor before they send the rest of it for biopsy) which she will transform into a “Soul Crystal”.
The thought of having that piece of me still with me through this art-and-soul form gives me the comfort – and yes, closure – that I badly need.
To Irina, thank you for doing these things you do. They say there are no coincidences in this world and I am eternally grateful for meeting you at such a perfect time.
To my Creator who woke me up and still gave me the breath of life (I seriously thought I might die from the procedure and was on the brink of writing farewell letters to my children), thank YOU.
To my husband who never left my side, we survived another one! Thank you and I love you.
To my colleagues, family and friends and my Medicale tribe, who have sent us prayers, light, and so much love, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Om Shanti.
Love,
Balot
