When your baby’s not with you…

I came across this post in our APAS group and right in the middle of work, I welled up. Hello my babies in heaven 🙂

Balot Angel

Reposting this for all mums who have loved and lost.

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Message from God

A mother has a baby, this we know is true but God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?

“Yes, you can.” He replied with confidence in his voice. ” I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and for others for a day and some I send to feel your womb; but there’s no need to stay.”

I just don’t understand this, God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear.

“I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with other children and say:

“We go to Earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much: but I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear… Mommy, don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here…”

“So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay. Your babies are here in my home; and this is where they’ll stay. They’ll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through and on the day that you come home, they will be at the gates for you. So, now you see what makes a mother… It is the feeling in your heart. It is the love you had so much of, right from the very start….”

To eternity and beyond…

I have always thought that my lola would just be there forever. 

I have always wanted to let her see her apo sa tuhod but my two angels went ahead of her, straight to the heavens. 

And that is where they will probably meet. Or have met, last Saturday when she herself became a winged angel, too. Now, there is nothing I can do so I comfort myself with the fact that my angels in heaven will be in good hands with my lola up  there – as I have been when she took care of me. 

In retrospect, I think we always do that – take things for granted. Take our loved ones for granted. I have — at some point, and it’s always harder when you are islands away from the people you love.

But I remember, lola. I remember all you’ve done for me. Thank you for everything.

I remember… 

Her eyes were always sharp, knowing who I was even from afar when I come visit her each time I go home to Negros. She would always read the Bible without the need for any reading glasses and her smile has always warmed up my heart, curing the loneliness I feel of being away from my family for more than a decade already – of being away from home.  She would always love when I bring her donuts – a wide grin would be plastered all over her pretty face.

She has always been there when I was growing up, helping my Mama and Papa when they left for work. When I cried looking for my parents, she would take me in her arms where I would restfully sleep. She would run after me with a twig when I’d start climbing trees, scolding me for being so unladylike.

Truth is, I always considered myself my lola’s favorite although a lot of my cousins (or my sisters) may also say the same. But I don’t care. In my own world, I was my lola’s pet.

She was beautiful. But more than that, she was an epitome of hardwork; of compassion and sternness, love and discipline. 

To wish that I could still see her and hug her and stroke her hair and talk to her for one last time will be too much, I know that. But I assuage my sorrowful heart with her visit in my dream, telling me that she is at peace and once again, physically and spiritually running wild and free. 

And so I rest again in your comforting words, lola. I will never forget you. I am sorry that I was and am not there. I will love you, forever. Rest in joyful peace. 

Love, 

Your self-proclaimed favorite apo