Casa Roces

Right in front of Malacañan is a quaint little resto named Casa Roces. I hate driving around Manila because the route is really stressful, the streets are narrow, etcetera, etcetera.

Good thing, my appointment got me to experience this lovely resto.

The place is almost empty at around mid-afternoon. It is perfect for meetings or for those who would want some solitude, to read a book or to finish a report.

Since I was early for my meeting and had time to kill, I ordered some coffee and the Devil’s Cake. 

 People started to pour in at dinner time. The place is good for dates or some little get-together with friends.

I tried the Bulalo ala pobre which is a pan-seared version of bulalo with fried kangkong and garlic. Yum!

So there you go, my little happy for the day. What about you, loves? What made you happy today?

Casa Roces Location

1153 JP Laurel cor Aguado St. San Miguel, Manila, Aguado St,

San Miguel, Manila, Metro Manila, Philippines

Phone:+63 2 708 4020

Through Thick and Thin

Today, I would like to thank my husband for facing this APAS journey with me. Who knew that it was actually bad to be “too compatible”.
For consoling me for my loss when you were suffering from it too,
For getting those extractions when you are scared of blood and needles,
For reassuring me that we are together in this challenge,
Thank you so much, I love you to the moon and back.

Providence by Padre Pio


“Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” – Padre Pio

I have witnessed a personal miracle once in my life at the intervention of my Saints, Padre Pio and Sta. Rita of Cascia. 

I came to know St. Rita because she was our patron saint when I was in my senior year in secondary school. Because of my failing memory, I could not remember her history. Padre Pio, I have heard from a friend.

Doing my little research, it is astounding to see a commonality between my two saints — both bore the external sign of stigmata and are incorruptible. St. Rita is known to be the saint of lost and impossible causes (together with St. Jude), sickness, wounds, marital problems, abuse and mothers. Padre Pio is known for his intercessions but mostly for miracles on healing. People who have gone to visit his Shrine near Eastwood would know this as they have posted many testimonials on the healing intercessions of Padre Pio.

Earlier this year, God answered my prayer in the most unconventional way. I have learned my lessons the hard way. It was a vindictive realization – to put Him always at the center of everything, center of my self, center of my marriage.

Along the way, here I am again, slipping from my faith. I still say my prayers but my devotion has slacked a little. I have made promises I cannot keep and I feel terrible remorse for that. Today, God has freed me from my guilt.

I asked for a tall request from the husband. He is not a religious person but he has made great strides for me. We now go to Church regularly, we say our prayers before meals. We usually just go to the nearby Church however, I asked him today if we could go to the Shrine of Padre Pio, to which he readily agreed.

As we were ushered into the Church, we were directed to sit at a certain area since there were very few empty spaces left. I am quite sure that it was a sign, a Divine Providence, because we were seated on the part where all the testimonials for answered prayers were posted. It was overwhelming since out of the hundreds of testimonials scattered all over the Church, we were stationed at that part where a couple was expressing their gratitude for their baby. A baby who was given to them by God, despite having APAS. Coincidence? Maybe. Providential? I believe so.

I brace myself for what is in front of me. Despite the challenging times ahead, I am filled with hope — as long as my husband is there, my family and friends are there in every step of the way. And of course, our God.

As Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.” Amen? Amen!

How Steadfast Is Your Faith?

 

“When you are ill, do not delay, but pray to the Lord, and he will heal you. Give up your faults and direct your hands rightly, and cleanse your heart from all sin. Offer a sweet-smelling sacrifice… Then give the physician his place, for the Lord created him; do not let him leave you, for you need him. There may come a time when recovery lies in the hands of physicians, for they too pray to the Lord that He grant them success in diagnosis and in healing, for the sake of preserving life” (Sirach 38:9-14).

 

Saturday. Feb 15. (This is a back post as I could not write anything yesterday.) It was one of the darkest moments in my life. My head was pounding; my thoughts were reeling towards the worst. As my (our) condition has been explained a little more clearly, my heart could not help but to sink a little more. I hoped that I had listened more to my biology class so that I could understand what Dr. Carol Gloria, our newfound immunologist, was saying.

 

I have been mulling on how to cope with this. When I ask people or vice-versa, there is someone they know experiencing the same problems as I have. Given the limited information in the internet, I wonder if they are the same like me, searching for information, looking solace from people who can be beacons of inspiration. The only one I stumbled upon was this blog, www.infertilityphilippines.blogspot.com. She has not updated her blog since after she got pregnant in June 2013 so I mustered the courage to contact her. It was overwhelming when she replied and told me that she has not updated her blog because she’s so busy with her 8-month old angel! 🙂 I cried hearing that. There is hope. So much hope. Challenging but with hope.

 

I loved the parting words of my immunologist to my husband, “Start praying.” Somehow, I know that I am in good hands.

 

I don’t know how to move forward without the reassurance of my husband. He told me, “I married you, without a baby. Remember, in sickness and in health. In God’s time.”

 

These are the sources of my happy as of the moment. It is bittersweet. But I am sure it will all be worth it.

 

If you know anyone who is on the same boat and would like to get in touch and be a source of support, you can email me via ernalou.delrosario@gmail.com.

 

Babydust to those who need it. ❤️

When It Is Tough To Be Thankful

My OB asked me this question when I entered her clinic this afternoon, “Pagod ka na ba? (Are you tired?)”.

I didn’t get to ponder on her question and to really probe on what I am currently feeling, so in the end, I just smiled weakly.

It has been a tough week. Apparently, contrary to my initial belief, my well of optimism is not everlasting. Today, I just feel sad and tired and frustrated.

I have been in and out of St. Lukes for about a week now, finishing all the tests that I need to undergo as quickly as I can. A total of twelve vials of blood has been extracted from me. The last extractions were horrible since my veins were already collapsing and the medical technologists cannot get the quantity that they needed.

On the plus side, I am grateful that out of the eight tests to determine my category (amongst five), I have been negative in two.

The wait for the other results is excruciating. It is also even frustrating that I cannot seem to find decent or abundant resources on this APAS condition.

I am sad that I may have this. The results are still inconclusive but one result showing a low spike in my hormone level  was enough to shortlist me with it. I am guilty that I have to put my husband into this ordeal. I am frustrated — why me? There are so many women or girls out there who easily get pregnant and they do not want the baby. Yes, it is depressing and despite the outpouring support from family and close friends, I kind of feel that I am alone in this, without any source of reprieve or something which I can do to actually solve the situation.

Today is just a little puddle in my happy project. Still at the end of this day, I am happy that the husband is being patient with my tantrum and tries to console me without even knowing why I am acting up.

Oh well, maybe I just need to sleep it off. 🙂

Goodnight, loves!

Never Give Up

“Never, never, never give up.”

People undergo a lot of trials in life. Some choose to let go or give up, others stand up and fight. I am part of the latter.

My faith has always carried me through tough situations. I have always believed that God would not give you something that you cannot surpass. I have gone through many dark moments in my life and looking back, I do not remember how I have survived except for one thing — I have always clung to my faith and to Him when confronted by darkness.

Blind faith is never easy especially when you want something so much. However, as what most would say, happiness is the journey and not the destination. So now, I try to remain positive and enjoy these little discomforts because I know that one day, God will give me my heart’s desire, in His time.

So be it.

APAS and Waiting

 

 “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal;

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and and time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.”

– Ecclesiastes 3:1-6

Time. If you have read Mitch Albom’s The Timekeeper, you would know Dor. Dor or Father Time. Because of his curiosity, time was created. Because time can now be measured into seconds, hours, months, years, our anticipation can grow, sorrows can linger, happiness can just breeze by.

Time can be unbearable, especially for those who wait. More so for impatient people. And this is a perfect description of me — an impatient woman in waiting. 

In moments that I yearn, I try to divert my attention. I have accepted the fact that everything in my life happens for a reason and everything will happen in His time. Human as I am though, there are still moments that I crave for a happiness that a little infant would bring to our home. 

Being inconclusively and recently diagnosed with APAS or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (more about this later on) was depressing enough. Three months ago, I rejoiced already, thinking that the tests were negative (or so my other doctors said). 

Recently though, I have visited a perinatologist specializing in APAS and when she read the results, she confirmed that I was positive for it and she has to conduct more tests. Verifying it with more tests is scary at this point in time, especially when my research does not return so much information on the topic. Roughly explained, my blood has the tendency to coagulate (or to excessively clot). This usually results to migraine headaches, bruising, premature miscarriages and just recently, progressive memory problems. Check, check and check on those symptoms.

Ugh.

I am not an internet doctor. However, I am a marketing person. Being such, I research on facts about problems at hand. I stay positive that amidst all the tests, we will be able to go beyond this. 

I thank my husband and our families for being supportive. Waiting for the test results is agonizing but I want to prepare this time. Together with your prayers, maybe soon, God will finally send a stork to our humble little home. I keep my hopes up and my faith. So, bless me God.

I am writing this post not because I want sympathy. I do not know how many out there are experiencing the same sorrows. It would be good to have a support group and someone to relate to.

Let’s all hang on and continue our prayers. Love you all.